I was flipping through my bible this morning when I stumbled upon a Psalm that had a long note written next to it. It is dated 8/16/ 2011. The Psalm is Psalm 142 it says this.
i cry aloud to the Lord; i lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. i pour out my complaint before Him; before Him i tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me it is you who know my way. In the path where i walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. i have no refuge no one cares for my life. i cry to you o Lord; i say, You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living. Listen to my cry, for i am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are to strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that i may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.
This is how i've felt for much of this journey through infertility. i have felt alone, pursued by fear, anger & heartache, locked in prison. The note, or prayer that i wrote that day said this.
" Father free me from this heartache. Free me from the prison of infertility, empty arms, hopeless thoughts, feeling purposeless. The enemy pursues me daily to give into destructive thoughts, because the struggle feels to great. God you are greater than my struggle, Please hide D and i in the shadow of your wings. We are vulnerable our hearts are stripped out in the open. Protect us. Fill our arms, our home and our hearts, i'm not sure we can take much more. Please father fulfill your promise to us, fill our home with the children you choose, Adopted and natural. In Jesus name i ask amen."
Derrick and i had just come home from a brief trip to the Florida. A childhood friend had called Derrick to ask if we would be willing to meet her friend who was considering adoption. We decided to go not expecting a lot , just a get to know you kind of meeting. We had a great time reconnecting with old friends and clicked with a new friend. It was a great weekend! over the next couple of weeks the 3 of us, D, the birth mom and i, started a conversation, how would this look?, what are the details?, are we ready to pursue an adoption?, "am I ready to give my baby up for adoption?", All the things that need to happen in order for this amazingly hard/ yet beautiful thing called adoption to happen. When i wrote the note in my bible....i was really scared once again to jump in feet first, we both felt peace but just a little scared. We have been through so much. 7 years of infertility, 1 horribly failed adoption, 2 miscarriages a lot of drama, just straight drama!But.....God.....He always has a plan, He is not Dead,
He is not powerless, His is still involved actively in our lives.
i'm pleased to announce that Derrick and i are on the East coast trying to hold all of our excitement in.....Our baby girl will be born soon, She's coming maybe today maybe tomorrow, it could be next week! we don't care shes coming very very soon!! God fulfills his promises to us, usually never in our timing but always right on time for His timing! God is graciously placing our first sweet child into our home through adoption. He is also placing our 2ND child in our home 4 months later....I'm 5 months pregnant with another little girl!!
HE ANSWERS PRAYER,HE MOVES MOUNTAINS AND STILL DOES MIRICLES, HE KNOWS OUR HEARTACHE, HE IS WITH US AND FOR US! just in case you were unaware.
So It looks like these sweet baby girls are the first 2 of the 3 fish, if you don't know what I'm talking about, see older posts. I will let you know when baby girl #1 is born.....and then if there is time I'll let you know in
July when baby girl # 2 arrives! Life's about to get busy! Praise Jesus!!