I'm not really sure what to say or how to write what I'm about to write. It kind of feels foreign. D and I still very much want a family and we still know that adoption will be apart of our life, but for some unknown reason this adoption just is not the one. We met a few weeks ago with the birth mom and had a great visit. We discussed all the hard questions and even some of the silly quirky ones. She is fun, responsible, adventurous, kind and a great person who I would love to get to know better. There is no reason we should not move forward with this adoption except something in our gut.
For some unknown reason we both felt like we were not suppose to move forward with this adoption. Can you imagine how D was feeling when he knew he had to tell me he didn't think this was our situation.......Seriously he said he wanted to throw up, He was sure that I was going to loose my mind. I can't imagine why in the world he would think that. When she left and we started talking about how we were feeling we both were unsettled. Again there is no reason we should feel unsettled but we did. We prayed together and separately for the next few days, We still felt unsettled. So we put a huge fleece out before the Lord and said OK God if this is our adoption and we are just wanting to pull back because of Fear show us in this way......We waited and we waited and we waited some more.
After a week we decided that we needed to let this mom know how we were feeling and ultimately let this baby go. So that is what we did. She was understanding and confused because she like us thought that this was a perfect fit. We felt relief and peace. That is all we have to go on, The Peace of God that we made the right decision. It has been a few weeks and we still have peace.
God is God and I believe he sees the beginning from the end. I know that He has a plan for this baby, this birth mom, and for us. I trust that His plan is so much better than mine. We are excited to see what He does next in our journey.