Why can't we ever force ourselves to just be still? God clearly tells us how to approach Him, He tells us how to hear Him and He even gives us instruction on how to understand what He is saying. " Be still and know that I AM God". It's the be still part that i can never do unless i am forced. i am in bed recovering from surgery. i have tons of time to think, pray and attempt to listen. all in all i feel like God has said it's time to stop whining and it is time to start trusting. This entire journey has had one recurring theme God asking us if we trust Him? With our mouths we have said yes but in our hearts we have cherished fear. Fear is so much easier in the moment,however in the long run it is a cunning trap of the enemy. he distracts us and gets our eyes off of the one who is sovereign and in charge and puts the focus on our navels. Yes its rue, We've been navel gazing for the last 4 years. I'm tired of saying.... Poor me, Why us, It's too hard, i can't do it, It's not fair...... Yeah Yeah, well the cross wasn't fair either but you didn't hear Jesus complaining!! I can't tell you how freeing it has been to finally call it what it is. Fear its just blinking fear!!! Fear of the unknown and fear of the what ifs!!! How stupid can we be. i have been so paralyzed by fear that i feel like we have wasted 4 years of good time just reveling in the stuff.Well, enough is enough!! We are ready to trust, we are ready to listen and we are ready for whatever God has next for us. We are ready to stop picking the lint out of our belly buttons and we are ready to fight.
Through this procedure we have learned that i had several things going on under the hood. There was a large fibroid tumor (non-cancerous) in the middle of my uterus that has been removed. Also i had several fibroid cysts on both of my ovaries thanks to a laser they are now history. There was also quite a bit of endometriosis in there and a pallup on the inside of my uterus. Just to add some extra flair i have one fallopian tube that is healthy and doing her job and the other is Lazy and is only pulling about 25% of her weight. Throw in a partridge and a keg of 1554 and there was quite a little party going on in there!
We will meet with our Dr. on the 20Th to find out what our prognosis is. After surgery he told D that he felt very positive about our chances, now that everything has been cleaned up.D and i are learning everyday what it means to just be still and know. We know that God is in control and we know that He does have a plan for us. Sometimes in the middle of the pain we forget. Thank you all for your encouragment and your prayers we have desperately needed them. As always we will keep you posted!!