Monday, March 29, 2010

We Just Have Peace.....

I'm not really sure what to say or how to write what I'm about to write. It kind of feels foreign. D and I still very much want a family and we still know that adoption will be apart of our life, but for some unknown reason this adoption just is not the one. We met a few weeks ago with the birth mom and had a great visit. We discussed all the hard questions and even some of the silly quirky ones. She is fun, responsible, adventurous, kind and a great person who I would love to get to know better. There is no reason we should not move forward with this adoption except something in our gut.

For some unknown reason we both felt like we were not suppose to move forward with this adoption. Can you imagine how D was feeling when he knew he had to tell me he didn't think this was our situation.......Seriously he said he wanted to throw up, He was sure that I was going to loose my mind. I can't imagine why in the world he would think that. When she left and we started talking about how we were feeling we both were unsettled. Again there is no reason we should feel unsettled but we did. We prayed together and separately for the next few days, We still felt unsettled. So we put a huge fleece out before the Lord and said OK God if this is our adoption and we are just wanting to pull back because of Fear show us in this way......We waited and we waited and we waited some more.

After a week we decided that we needed to let this mom know how we were feeling and ultimately let this baby go. So that is what we did. She was understanding and confused because she like us thought that this was a perfect fit. We felt relief and peace. That is all we have to go on, The Peace of God that we made the right decision. It has been a few weeks and we still have peace.

God is God and I believe he sees the beginning from the end. I know that He has a plan for this baby, this birth mom, and for us. I trust that His plan is so much better than mine. We are excited to see what He does next in our journey.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Just a quick update......

So We had a great weekend with the birth mom! She really is taking this decision very seriously. I respect the amount of effort she has put into making the right choice. So all that being said...... No decision has been made yet. D and I are praying for God's best in this situation, and we know that in this situation it does not necessarily mean that we will adopt this baby. We have peace.....Complete peace. We will keep you posted when we know more!! Thanks for continuing to pray for us!


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Don't be afraid, Just Believe...

It has been 6 months since my last post. It, as always, has been a wild ride. We are still believing that God will allow me to get pregnant, but as of yet we are still waiting. We have moved to WA where D has a new job that he loves, and i am still trying to figure out what i need to be doing. Well i guess i should just come out and say it...We are in the adoption process again! We are terrified, excited, apprehensive,and a big ball of emotion. We were not looking for this, in fact, two weeks before all this happened, i told D that i still wasn't ready. The situation in Louisiana ANNIHILATED me, us. I still have a hard time thinking about her without crying. I fell in love with her and my heart does not fall out of love very easy. We think about her and pray for her often we know that God has a plan for her little life.

So here we are. This situation is SO different from the first one: we were approached by some friends in early Dec about a friend of theirs who had found herself in a hard situation...she was pregnant from a one time lapse in judgment...this is so not her MO but here she is pregnant, 29, and so not wanting to be a single mom. Would we agree to just meet her? She just needed someone to talk this adoption thing through with, no promises, just a conversation. We met her and had a cup of coffee and had a long hard conversation about adoption; its benefits and its downfalls for all parties involved. I surprised myself in that i was so business Mary Cat, i intentionally tried not to connect with her, i just couldn't go there again. At the end of our meeting D told her that we would like to be considered as adoptive parents for her baby and i was so mad at him! I just agreed to have coffee, not get hurt again. He's so good for me; he calmly said if we don't ever put ourselves out there again we will regret it. He's right, we will. So, that Dec meeting started a process of e-mailing and answering a ton of her questions about us, about the baby and well all the what ifs... So, here we are this weekend she is coming to visit us from another western state. She wants to have one last visit with us before she makes her final decision.

The other night i couldn't sleep..imagine that. I know God was tugging on my heart to get up and lay my burden down. He woke me up with Mark 5...Mark 5....Mark 5. That is all he kept saying over and over and over. Mark 5 is about 3 very different stories: the demon possessed man, the woman with the issue of blood and the family who's daughter is dying. This chapter is about healing, restoration and raising the dead. Jesus is healing and restoring our hearts and raising this child from the dead. It's about faith and trust, believing that God can do the impossible in our lives. As I type this, I know that God is our healer. He is our portion and nothing is impossible for him to do in our lives! I believe you're my healer, I believe you are all I need, I believe you're my portion, I believe you are more than enough for me, Jesus, you're all I need! The portion of this passage that stood out to me,a few nights ago is "don't be afraid, just believe". God is who He says He is. We can trust Him, even when the outcome is not what we think it should be or should have been we can trust Him He is Trustworthy.

Please pray for us this weekend as we meet with this birth mother and allow God to continue to heal our hearts and restore His promise in our lives....whatever that means.