It has been 6 months since my last post. It, as always, has been a wild ride. We are still believing that God will allow me to get pregnant, but as of yet we are still waiting. We have moved to WA where D has a new job that he loves, and i am still trying to figure out what i need to be doing. Well i guess i should just come out and say it...We are in the adoption process again! We are terrified, excited, apprehensive,and a big ball of emotion. We were not looking for this, in fact, two weeks before all this happened, i told D that i still wasn't ready. The situation in Louisiana ANNIHILATED me, us. I still have a hard time thinking about her without crying. I fell in love with her and my heart does not fall out of love very easy. We think about her and pray for her often we know that God has a plan for her little life.
So here we are. This situation is SO different from the first one: we were approached by some friends in early Dec about a friend of theirs who had found herself in a hard situation...she was pregnant from a one time lapse in judgment...this is so not her MO but here she is pregnant, 29, and so not wanting to be a single mom. Would we agree to just meet her? She just needed someone to talk this adoption thing through with, no promises, just a conversation. We met her and had a cup of coffee and had a long hard conversation about adoption; its benefits and its downfalls for all parties involved. I surprised myself in that i was so business Mary Cat, i intentionally tried not to connect with her, i just couldn't go there again. At the end of our meeting D told her that we would like to be considered as adoptive parents for her baby and i was so mad at him! I just agreed to have coffee, not get hurt again. He's so good for me; he calmly said if we don't ever put ourselves out there again we will regret it. He's right, we will. So, that Dec meeting started a process of e-mailing and answering a ton of her questions about us, about the baby and well all the what ifs... So, here we are this weekend she is coming to visit us from another western state. She wants to have one last visit with us before she makes her final decision.
The other night i couldn't sleep..imagine that. I know God was tugging on my heart to get up and lay my burden down. He woke me up with Mark 5...Mark 5....Mark 5. That is all he kept saying over and over and over. Mark 5 is about 3 very different stories: the demon possessed man, the woman with the issue of blood and the family who's daughter is dying. This chapter is about healing, restoration and raising the dead. Jesus is healing and restoring our hearts and raising this child from the dead. It's about faith and trust, believing that God can do the impossible in our lives. As I type this, I know that God is our healer. He is our portion and nothing is impossible for him to do in our lives! I believe you're my healer, I believe you are all I need, I believe you're my portion, I believe you are more than enough for me, Jesus, you're all I need! The portion of this passage that stood out to me,a few nights ago is "don't be afraid, just believe". God is who He says He is. We can trust Him, even when the outcome is not what we think it should be or should have been we can trust Him He is Trustworthy.
Please pray for us this weekend as we meet with this birth mother and allow God to continue to heal our hearts and restore His promise in our lives....whatever that means.