We've been home for a few weeks now and honestly the heartache is dulling some. We still struggle but it is becoming easier to want to get out of bed in the morning. I have stopped struggling with why so much and am now just wondering if we can do this again..... If we don't we loose if we do we still might loose.
All of you wonderful woman who have the privilege of carrying a child, giving birth to a sweet baby that is 1/2 you and 1/2 your husband, please enjoy them. Please know what a gift they are. Remember every time they invade your space, cry in the middle of the night for the 4Th time & spill paint on the new carpet please, for all of us who can not or have not yet had the pleasure, please remember what a miracle they are. If you have someone in your life struggling with infertility please hold your words close. All of us who are struggling need a listening ear not a cute antidote or a condescending remark. Infertility is emotionally, physically and spiritually one of the most painful things I have evey gone through. If you can't relate because you have never been there just admit you don't have the words.Just be there for your friends who are experiencing something you will never understand.
hug your babies and your husband today
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Let The Healing Begin !
Church yesterday could have been a colossal disaster!! But God..... He knew what my cynical heart needed. As I forced myself to walk into the double doors to hear another sermon on all the virtues of motherhood,I noticed something that could only have been ordered by Him. On the stage in front of me was 85 well dressed college guys singing there hearts out. This choir sang for an hour and a half only one mention of Mothers day. It felt like hot soothing oil was being poured over our heads and our hearts. They sang every old hymn I love and made me cry until I hurt but it was exactly what I needed. I am so glad I went.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Finally Home
Well we did it.... We made it home. I think the airplane ride was one of the longest in my life! I felt like I was leaving my heart in Louisiana!!!!!! All I can say is I'm not sure I ever want to feel that pain ever again. To want something so much and have it so close and then to have it truly ripped out of your heart has to be the most desperate place D and I have ever been in. How do you stop loving this little person that you have dreamed about, hoped for and cherrished before you have ever even been given the opportunity to see her.
The only thing we can do is pray that God would cover her, be her protector and guide her little life. God birthed her in our heart for a reason we can't denie that our paths have crossed for a reason. Preacious Holy Father please redeem this in omly a way that you can. Please touch this life and this family. Make this father and mother lover and care for her better than they ever thought they could. Give her a love for you at a young age, give her eyes and a heart to see you. Lord save her. Give D and I hearts that will not grow bitter but hearts that will see you in every situation. Thanks for continuing to hold us up in prayer.... MC
The only thing we can do is pray that God would cover her, be her protector and guide her little life. God birthed her in our heart for a reason we can't denie that our paths have crossed for a reason. Preacious Holy Father please redeem this in omly a way that you can. Please touch this life and this family. Make this father and mother lover and care for her better than they ever thought they could. Give her a love for you at a young age, give her eyes and a heart to see you. Lord save her. Give D and I hearts that will not grow bitter but hearts that will see you in every situation. Thanks for continuing to hold us up in prayer.... MC
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Our Journey that brought us to New Orleans
D and I have been looking into adoption seriously for about a year and a half. 8 weeks ago we decided it was time to find a placing agency, we had a local agency that would take care of our home study. Now we needed an agency that would help us find a child who needed a home. We have discovered through this journey that there are 2 camps in the adoption world. Those willing to wait sometimes years for there perfect match (gender, race, eye color.....). I'm not sure what you would label our camp, for D and I we just want babies, we don't care if they look like us we just want to raise a family. We realize that being a conspicuous family has it's issues but our thought is that we want to love and raise children no matter there gender, race or eye color. There is nothing wrong with either camp we are just in the later.
SO 8 weeks ago we contacted a wonderful agency in Louisiana I had a lovely chat with the director who was in process with a birth mother, since we had already done our home study she requested that we send her all of our information she felt like we might be a match with this birth mom. I sent everything to her and by the end of the week we were matched with this birth family. Miracle of Miracles we had been matched. There was not a lot of time as the birth mom was close to delivery and we needed to get everything in order. So we began the process of legal fees, application process and so on. We found out roughly March 10th. Now fast forward 8 weeks and here we are going home without a baby. I guess it is a risk you take when adopting. It really sucks and it hurts a lot but I have to hold out faith that eventually it will happen, eventually we will be a family!
SO 8 weeks ago we contacted a wonderful agency in Louisiana I had a lovely chat with the director who was in process with a birth mother, since we had already done our home study she requested that we send her all of our information she felt like we might be a match with this birth mom. I sent everything to her and by the end of the week we were matched with this birth family. Miracle of Miracles we had been matched. There was not a lot of time as the birth mom was close to delivery and we needed to get everything in order. So we began the process of legal fees, application process and so on. We found out roughly March 10th. Now fast forward 8 weeks and here we are going home without a baby. I guess it is a risk you take when adopting. It really sucks and it hurts a lot but I have to hold out faith that eventually it will happen, eventually we will be a family!
The real story.......
Friday May 1st our soon to be adopted daughter was born. D and I flew down to New Orleans as soon as we found out! So excited!!!!! Once we got to N.O. we found out that we would have to wait the 5 day waiting period before we could see her, a minor set back but we could go with it.
Saturday May 2nd D and I tired from not sleeping the night before, (so much excitement) went to meet with the social worker to get everything in order. Great meeting!! Baby Woodward would go home with the Dr. and his wife until the 5 days were up and then we would be introduced. We would need a few more days to get everything complete and then the 3 Woodwards would be on there way home!
Saturday afternoon after our breakfast meeting D and I went to get few things for the baby, We had resisted up until this point but we felt pretty excited and had a few things on our mind that our little one might need! So off to the store, Onsies, little litte socks, hats , some diapers , wipes and some pacies don't forget the pacies !!
We arrive home about 20 minutes later our world crashes, the social worker comes over and informs us that they have changed there mind..........The birth parents have changed there mind! Apparently the birth father got curious and wanted to see her ( I don't blame him) He went into the nursery to just look and then to just hold and then to just feed. He just couldn't do it. If it were me I couldn't do it either, It still doesn't make it hurt any less.
Our hearts are broken but we will move on and make it. WE will try again. WE will have a family.
Saturday May 2nd D and I tired from not sleeping the night before, (so much excitement) went to meet with the social worker to get everything in order. Great meeting!! Baby Woodward would go home with the Dr. and his wife until the 5 days were up and then we would be introduced. We would need a few more days to get everything complete and then the 3 Woodwards would be on there way home!
Saturday afternoon after our breakfast meeting D and I went to get few things for the baby, We had resisted up until this point but we felt pretty excited and had a few things on our mind that our little one might need! So off to the store, Onsies, little litte socks, hats , some diapers , wipes and some pacies don't forget the pacies !!
We arrive home about 20 minutes later our world crashes, the social worker comes over and informs us that they have changed there mind..........The birth parents have changed there mind! Apparently the birth father got curious and wanted to see her ( I don't blame him) He went into the nursery to just look and then to just hold and then to just feed. He just couldn't do it. If it were me I couldn't do it either, It still doesn't make it hurt any less.
Our hearts are broken but we will move on and make it. WE will try again. WE will have a family.
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