Vessel of Hope

Just when you think it's over, there's no hope to be found; The bottom has dropped out and you should probably just shrivel up and die. God ALWAYS has a way of changing our prospective, lifting our head to see things His way. In my world it is never what you think He is going to do or even what you think He should do. He has given us a fresh breath of hope.

Earlier this week i got a phone call from my mom. She works with a girl who is familiar with this road we are walking and has been touched by our deep desire to be parents. She meet with my mom to share her desire to help us become parents. She told her that she believes she is to make herself available to us as a surrogate. She understands what it means, she has weighed the pros's and con's and has decided this would be something of purpose.She said "I know that I would be the vessel that would give them Hope" What an amazing selfless act. This conversation has opened up all sorts of things for D and i. Until this we both felt like our only chance for a family would be adoption or the mighty hand of God healing whatever is wrong in my body. This is an angle we've never thought was even possible.

How would it work? What are the chances? Could we really do this? How do we feel about In-Vetro? All of the things we thought were settled in our minds and hearts are all fresh and open again. We have Hope. Are hearts are active.

We have decided to pursue several options. We are continuing to walk down the adoption road as well as to finally put to rest whether or not i will ever be able to carry a child. We have to figure out my physical issues before we can make the decision to ask someone else to carry a child for us. We will keep you all posted

Cloudy Day

Today is a hard day. I'm not sure what triggered it, I just woke up this morning with a cloud on my head. I want to understand, for just one moment I would like to know why this is our struggle.

I know all the correct things to meditate on, I know where to find them in the bible, I have quoted them to myself 10,0000 times but today I just want to understand......!

My heart aches, my arms are empty and I'm pissed! Why....Why ....Why!!! Un-Wed mothers can, crack addicts can, stray dogs in Mexico can but I can't.It's really pitiful to feel jealous of a dog with a litter.

How do I have purpose, What was I created for if not for this. If children are a blessing from the Lord what have I done to curse myself this way. These are the thoughts that go through my mind in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.

I guess this is the ultimate test of faith for us..Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
I believe the sun will shine again and this loneliness someday will end, In my mind I know that, I really wish my mind would convince my heart.